https://youtu.be/ydMdEo75xf4
It happens all the time: a child is absolutely dynamite at an activity or sport, yet by the time they reach their teenage years, they throw their hands up and want to quit. You might think this drop-off—which drives up to 70% of kids away from organized activities—is just a natural result of hitting puberty or changing interests.
But it’s not. As a parent of a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old, and as an instructor, I can tell you that kids quitting usually comes down to two very specific behavioral traps.
Trap #1: Backseat Syndrome
As parents, we naturally want to get into “fix-it” mode. Martial arts instructors and school teachers are incredibly guilty of this, too. We want to fix, and fix, and fix.
Your child finishes a baseball game or steps off the mat at a karate tournament, and they climb into the back seat of your car for the drive home. Because you didn’t have a voice to coach them during the actual competition—since that is the coach’s job—you immediately dive in and try to improve them right then and there.
We say things like, “Hey Johnny, you should have done this, this, and that,” or “Mary, why didn’t you do this?”
When we do this, we completely overwhelm the child while their emotions are still high. I remember this feeling firsthand. When I was a kid, we would travel to compete in karate tournaments down in Chicago. On the drive back home, if we didn’t perform well, my dad used to look back and say, “Well, trunk’s a little light today, boys. Boy, that was a waste of a trip.”
That blunt approach worked okay for us back then, but I am certainly not saying it is the best way to handle the car ride home today.
The Fix: Praise, Correct, Praise
If you are going to offer feedback after an event, you need a structured approach to keep their confidence intact. You have to use the “Praise, Correct, Praise” sandwich.
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The Praise: Start with a genuine compliment. “Hey Johnny, fantastic job with that roundhouse kick today. You had a wonderful amount of power, man.”
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The Correction (with Buy-In): Before you correct them, ask a “yes” question to get their permission. “Do you want to make it even stronger, Johnny?” When they say yes, give the correction: “You just have to snap it out and back a little bit quicker.”
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The Final Praise: Finish on a high note. “But I’ll tell you what, there is so much power in that kick, dude. I can’t wait to see it next time.”
This framework prevents them from feeling attacked and stops them from walking away from an activity they actually love.
Trap #2: The Win-Loss Record
The second massive reason kids quit is when their entire experience is tied strictly to a win-loss record.
Yes, experiencing a loss does develop grit. But if everything is tied to wins and losses, and the team is constantly losing, you are setting your child up for a trap. It will cause their confidence to absolutely plummet because there is no way out for them to feel successful.
I remember playing on a middle school baseball team. Over three years, we won exactly one game. One single game in three years. My personal confidence in baseball has never recovered from that experience. If your child’s progress is only measured by a scoreboard they can’t control, they will eventually stop trying.
At Championship Martial Arts – Oak Creek, we understand exactly how to avoid these two traps. We keep kids engaged by focusing on personal progression, the “Praise, Correct, Praise” model, and daily earned victories rather than just a team scoreboard. If your child needs an environment that builds their confidence instead of tearing it down in the back seat, let’s get them on the mat.
Visit Our Southeast Wisconsin Locations
Racine: Championship Martial Arts – Racine | 📞 (262) 205-5929
Kenosha: Championship Martial Arts – Kenosha | 📞 (262) 288-9919
Oak Creek: Championship Martial Arts – Oak Creek | 📞 (414) 250-7615